Thursday, March 26, 2015

Sister Worship

Last night, apropos of nothing in particular, Raphaela began a five minute long monologue, while lounging in the bath tub.

"Oh how I wish, " she said with longing, "Oh how I wish I could become my cousin N.  I love her hair and I love the way she wears a pony tail. I love the clothing that she wears and I love the games that she plays.  If only I could become her instead of being Raphaela, life would be grand."

I reminded my daughter that by trading identities, she would also lose me as a mother.  And that she would get three other siblings in the bargain, with whom she would have to share her space and her toys, and well, everything.

"Don't worry Mommy," she reassured me. "You would be allowed to play with us!"

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

First Grade Prep Class

Raphaela has begun a preparation course for First Grade, given by the school itself toward the purpose of observing the girls who will enter their halls next year socially, and to get a sense of their incoming levels of things like phonics and math.  Eight sessions in total, four of which for the parents as well, to help us help our child adapt to this crucial academic transition.

I think this is a good idea, mostly because Raphaela will have explored the halls of the building with friends old and new, it will not be scary and new.  The activities they seem to have done so far, as well as the little presents they have received from the teacher in charge, have only encouraged Raphaela that First Grade will be a fun and enlightening experience.  The way my daughter bounded out to me after that first session, smiling from ear to ear, I have not seen her this jazzed in a long time.  Hearing her say with confidence, "I'm a big girl, I am a First Grade girl!", it only reaffirms my gut instinct that I made the right choice.

I truly believe that the moment Raphaela can read, the core focus of First Grade, the entire Universe will open up to her.

The Gan psychologist called me this morning, three months after I had put in a request to have an official Ministry of Education assessment done vis a vis First Grade.  When I told her that that ship had sailed, that train had left the station,  etc. she seemed puzzled and disappointed. I reminded her that we only had until April to make the final decision, and she should have done this assessment ages ago, if she really meant to help.  The psychologist's response? "Well, I was busy..."

This morning Raphaela reminded me, without my saying a word, that she had another prep class this afternoon, and that we have to bring her workbook.  She is remembering her so-called homework on her own initiative, that is a very good sign in my book.

Post-script:  The teacher of Raphaela's Nature Class, a woman with years of experience in the Israeli school system, has severe objections to this preparatory class, and to the pressure in general on children at an early age, in First Grade.  She made the analogy of taking a beautiful butterfly and crushing it in your fist, trying to control and corral the natural creative tendencies of Raphaela and kids like her.  I pray to G-d she is wrong in this case, I am comfortable and happy with my choice of educational institutions. 

I would hate to think that I am crushing Raphaela's spirit and potential.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Grandparents Party

The party in which I brought down the average age in the room significantly.  (Two other children besides Raphaela had non-grandparents sitting in the audience.)

The party in which I actually did feel out of place, and a bit resentful and jealous, feeling like both Raphaela and I are seriously missing the benefits of having grandparents near by. (But not enough to consider moving back to the United States.)

The party in which the following song was sung in Hebrew:  "A family is a mother and father, a grandmother and grandfather, sisters and brothers that fill the house.  Nothing less will do." (Not joking, I felt like I was attending a kindergarten in Stepford.)

The party in which the only saving grace was the bouquet of flowers Raphaela presented to me at the end of the event.  (At least I got some appreciation for doing the job of a mother and father, grandmother and grandfather, aunt and uncle, sister and brother, all wrapped in one tired package.)

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Right and Privilege

Today I had the honor of voting in an Israeli national election, an exceptional right and privilege to be able to participate in a Parliamentary Democracy; to be a Jew actively engaged in choosing a government in a country that is mine.  No matter what the results, I will never take that for granted.

Then, it being yet another school vacation day, Raphaela and I met our cousins at the Jerusalem Biblical Zoo, where we voted for a second time.  My daughter chose the Turtle Party ("Affordable housing for all") while I opted for the Lion Party ("Security and Leadership"). Perhaps the most realistic of all the Zoo Party options was the Lemur Party, which encouraged people to "get out of the trees" and face the reality of the complicated Middle East.

The leisurely pace of our day, the pleasure of not needing to be anywhere for anything in particular; it is perhaps the closest I have come in the 18 years I have lived here of experiencing the Israeli version of a true American Sunday.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Our First Diorama


In anticipation of the Grandparents Party/Torah Party this Friday, the children were asked to choose one of their favorite stories and create a diorama, to be displayed and admired at a table at the event.

In what will be (I can only assume) the first of many in her academic career, I present Raphaela's rendition of Jacob's Dream.  While I acted as the consultant on the project, I can honestly state that Raphaela did the majority of creative expression and heavy lifting;  no helicopter parenting for me, something which is frankly easier to achieve here in Israel, where the young are given more responsibility and independence than in the United States.

This diorama is sponsored by a great box we got from Purim Mishloach Manot, plastaline molding clay, and Playmobil toys.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

At the Sports Expo this afternoon, picking up the t-shirt and bib and instructions for the Jerusalem Marathon on Friday.  Every vendor is giving out stuff, and Raphaela walked away with quite a haul, including a balloon, sticker, bracelet and sweatband.

On the way to the car, Raphaela, skipping and smiling, said to me, "Mommy, I am happy all over my body because I got so many presents."

"Wow," I said, "why do you think you got all those gifts?  It's like a birthday party!"
"Because," Raphaela answered, "everyone loves me!"
I kissed Raphaela on the head and said, "Everyone loves you, but especially your Mommy."
"Oh yes," she replied, "my Mommy loves me best of all."

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?

At the beginning of the school year, I took great pains to explain to the Kindergarten teacher regarding my status as a single mother by choice IE no father in the picture at all, and the fact that all of our relatives live in America.  I asked her to keep these immutable facts in mind when planning family-oriented events.

At Raphaela's birthday party in Gan, along with three other children, the teacher introduced an activity of just mothers and then, just fathers.  The only thing that saved us and every other person in the room from extreme awkwardness was the presence of my brother, who stood in as a father-figure for that particular exercise.

Mildly annoying to me, and I was glad that later in the year, her class largely ignored the celebration of Israeli "Family Day," thus avoiding the need to explain myself, again.

Today I received an invitation for the big party of the year,  The Grandparents Party.  The invitation stated that the honored guests (the grandparents) would arrive at 11:30 am, and that we, parents of the children of the class,  were to surprise the grandparents with a large bouquet of flowers a half hour later.

More than mildly annoying, and I wrote to the teacher, asking what she planned to do for all the kids, not just my daughter, who for reasons geographical or otherwise (very elderly, illness etc) could not attend.  She replied that in cases like that, parents could attend, or we could send emissaries in our name, such as random grown-up friends of the family.

"Wonderful," I wrote back, and continued, "So if I am both parent and grandparent, when should I come?  Should a bring a bouquet of flowers, which I will then present to myself?"

No response yet from Raphaela's teacher.

Verging on actually annoyed and angry at this point, and wondering if I should keep Raphaela home from school that day and make it a Mommy and me beach day.